How To Survive In The Blogosphere

In 2011, I launched my first blog which was called Fashion, Love and Life. When I deactivated the blog, I was adamant that I wouldn’t return to blogging again. As some of you may know, I’m an avid Twitter user so I’m always talking (or ranting) about something. One day, I experienced an epiphany, I realised that I had a lot to say and I needed a platform I could call my own. That was when Its Kelle’s Space was born. It took me about a month to think about my niche, the blog’s design and all that lovely stuff but I’m glad I returned. Over the past 7+ years, I have learned so much about blogging and the blogosphere.

The truth about blogging is it really is what you make it. Sometimes, it’s the best thing in the world to do but other times, it can also be the most difficult thing to do as well. In order to stand the test of time, you need to adopt a ‘survival of the fittest’ kind of mentality. Live, think and breathe your blog and in time, you will get the results you deserve. In this post, I am going to guide you through how to survive in the blogosphere:

Don’t expect your blog to be an overnight success – This is one of the biggest mistakes to make when you start out on your journey. Consistency is the key to getting the results you want. One person may comment on your first few posts and that’s OK. Keep promoting your content. Don’t feel bad about self-promotion. It doesn’t matter if you are sharing the same post four or five times a day! Another mistake bloggers make is failing to interact with their followers which I will talk some more about later in this post. Conversations are (and should be) organic and they give other people the chance to get to know you better, hence eventually increasing your following. It won’t be easy but it WILL be worth it. Keep pressing on and do seek advice or guidance from other bloggers. The blogging community is a very supportive one.

Identify your niche – Every blog needs a niche. You need to do something that will set you apart from the rest of the bloggers out there. Are there any other bloggers you admire? Perhaps there’s a public figure, creative or influencer whose content you enjoy reading? Don’t be afraid to check out their content and think about what they do to increase interest in their brand or business. Of course, this doesn’t mean copy everything they do but gain an understanding of what makes them unique and how you can adopt a similar approach to your journey. Take notes, create mind maps, watch videos and most importantly, make sure nobody has tapped into what it is you want to do.

Pay attention to your stats – I will put my hands up and confess that I check my stats way more than I should do but your stats do tell you everything you need to know: how your blog is performing, which countries you have high readership in, how many likes/comments you’ve received and so on. Once you’ve read and studied your stats, you need to take action. For example, if your blog has more unique readers on Sunday, you should be posting fresh content on Sundays. If there’s a particular topic that does really well on your blog, then write more posts on that topic. Something I have done that works really well for me is capitalising on trending topics. If a topic is creating buzz, get in on it. I did this with the #FraudBae scandal.

Support other bloggers – It is a shame when I hear or read stories about bloggers feeling like they aren’t being supported. No matter where you are in your journey, struggling is just inevitable. Don’t become so absorbed by your content that you forget to build connections with others. Something I try my best to do once a month is dedicate 30 minutes of my day to go on a commenting spree. Also, I have started retweeting posts from other bloggers. My mantra is that there is room for us all to win, in spite of the fact that the competition in the industry is stronger than it has ever been.

Join groups specifically for bloggers – Blogger groups are one of the best forms of support out there. In addition to sharing your latest posts, you can also ask questions about anything from branding to where to find sponsored post opportunities. On Facebook, the most popular group for bloggers is Official UK Bloggers. Also, on Twitter, use hashtags #prrequest, #bloggerswanted, #bloggersrequired and #journorequest for any opportunities or latest post threads. Latest post threads are really effective when you use them the right way. Don’t just leave a link, summarise your post in a sentence. Choose your words wisely and your engagement will increase. For bloggers of colour, Black British Bloggers is a network for like minded creatives which was designed to elevate black voices in the U.K. These are some of the groups I am aware of but when you are on social media, keep your eyes peeled. With a site like Twitter especially, you can now see who and what your followers are interacting with.

Don’t be a stranger to guest blogging – Guest blogging has many benefits. In order to establish yourself in the blogosphere, lending your writing services to another website is important. When you start your blog, try and build relationships with a blogger whose DA (domain authority) is higher than yours. You can also use the collaborative opportunity to boost your own recognition as well. If you do decide to write a guest post, ask if you can include a blurb with your content. Blurbs are a great way to summarise on your experience and you never know who might be reading them so always go the extra mile. Something I have started to do is accept guest posts on my blog once in a while. Before you accept a guest post, make sure you have discussed any preferences you have regarding topics, links etc (also, do check the links you are sent).

Work on increasing your domain authority (DA) – A few of you may be asking yourself ‘what is DA?’. To simplify all the complex definitions on the internet, DA is a search engine ranking score. It is developed by Moz and predicts how well a website will perform on SERP’s (search engine result pages). Every blogger should be working on increasing their DA from day one! You can do this by using links from websites who have a higher DA than yours (Wikipedia is an example). DA is also increased when content is posted regularly and you make use of your tags. I will talk more about this in the next point. Moz have announced that they will be making chances to the way DA is ranked, so consistency is always key.

Don’t be a stranger to using keywords – Keywords get you noticed. If you are writing about a topic, you should find all the keywords that are related to that topic. So if I google ‘cosmetic surgery’ and scroll to the bottom of the page, I can see that people are searching for ‘ cosmetic surgery nhs’, cosmetic surgery near me’, ‘cosmetic surgery meaning’ etc, so once you’ve identified the keywords, either use them in your posts or the tags section (under post settings on WordPress). Keywords will improve your site’s visibility on search engines. If you are struggling to find some keywords, use Google Trends or Moz. What I like about Google trends is that you can search by country, duration, category and type of search so you can get a good idea of what people are into and you can use that information to determine whether your content will have the impact you want it to.

Do what is right for you and your blog – As a blogger, you will compare yourself with others and others will compare themselves to you. I have seen people like or engage with my content and then use my idea to create a whole other post without even mentioning that they got the idea from another blogger. Take the highs and the lows on the chin and remember why you started in the first place. You knew you had something special and you decided to share that with the world. Sometimes, when I doubt myself, I will look at an old post or I will remind myself of one comment on the blog that just made what I do 100% worth it. I am sure we have all had one. Also, don’t feel guilty about taking breaks. If you need to go on a hiatus, do it. People will still read your blog. Don’t allow F.O.M.O to be the reason you experience burn out. Your blog will still be running when you return.

Interact with your social media followers – Interaction breeds engagement. If you don’t engage with your followers, you will never get your blog where you want it to be. Now, I’m not just talking about sharing a blog post. Create conversations around your niche. If your latest post is about relationships, ask your followers a question. When I blogged about open marriages, I created a poll asking my followers if they were for or against it. Give people the chance to see another side to you. The reason why influencers are so popular is because of the way they portray themselves online. Most of them have quirky and unique personalities. As bloggers, YouTube clearly isn’t are thing so believe you have to work twice as hard to be noticed.

Here are some other posts I have wrote about blogging: 

Helpful Tips For Collaborating With Brands As A Blogger

Tips For Creating Content For Your Blog

5 Things I Have Learnt About Blogging

I hope you have enjoyed reading this (very long) post and thank you for staying with me. As you can see, there is a lot more to blogging than meets the eye so finding your niche, being consistent and building fruitful relationships will definitely help as you embark on your journey. Having a thick skin is so important, especially when you get those ‘I want to give up’ moments. You are all doing an amazing job! If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to leave them below.

Kel xo

5 Ways To Make Friends Abroad

The prospect may seem daunting at first, especially if you’re not a social butterfly but making friends abroad can be such a rewarding experience. You learn about others and yourselves in the process so I’ve teamed up with a guest blogger who will be sharing tips on how you can make friends while you are on your travels:

Every year, more travellers are choosing not to wait for a suitable travel companion, instead of going on a solo adventure and meet travel companions along the way. The number of solo bookings made on the site hostelworld increased by 42% between 2015 and 2017, a more drastic spike than in any other sector of the site. Although, the fear of not making friends and spending many weeks alone can be scary and still puts off many travellers. But there is no need to worry! There are many different ways to make friends on solo travels, below are just a few:

Dorm style rooms
Backpacker hostels offer dormitory style rooms where you can bunk with fellow travellers. It is impossible not to chat and meet other travellers when you are all living together. As soon as you arrive and start unpacking, other travellers will begin asking questions about where you are from, where you’ve travelled and how long you’re staying, making friends instantly. Some travellers prefer to stay in luxury, with their own private hostel or hotel room, but this can make it much harder to meet people. When staying on your own, travellers have to make an effort knocking on other traveller’s rooms, which may not always be welcomed.

Local Tours
Check out Trip Advisor or ask at your accommodation for local backpacker-friendly tours. During peak seasons there will usually be a handful of other travellers on the same tour, all like-minded and looking to meet others. As soon as you join a tour, be sure to ask everyone’s name and give them yours. Everyone is more comfortable speaking with people they know the name of, compared to someone who hasn’t introduced themselves.

Volunteer
One of the easiest ways to meet other travellers is to spend days working together on a
volunteer project. Travellers can organise volunteering independently, contacting a charity while they’re abroad or with the help of a volunteer organisation. I found that deeper friendships are made on volunteer projects organised through an organisation, as typically all of the volunteers work and live together. It is difficult spending 24/7 with other travellers working, living and exploring a new country together and not make any lifelong friendships. Even the shyest of travellers are guaranteed to make friends. Whereas on independently organised projects, volunteers dropped in and out, around one day then gone the next.

Use Apps
Couch surfing is arguably the number one travel app to help make friends abroad. Helping solo travellers find accommodation with locals offering a spare room or couch. However, the app is not just used to find accommodation, there are many hang outs and meet ups posted on the app, where tourists can meet up with other travellers and explore the city or simply hang out together.

Not just camp space which is great for finding friends abroad, there are many others to
download! When meeting strangers off the internet, always meet in a public place and
always let someone know where you are going and what your plans are, to be safe.
Here are some travel apps which include features to make friends and meet fellow
travellers:

Facebook Groups
We3 Ap
City Socializer
Backpackr
Tourlina

Travel Overland
Travellers on flights tend to keep to themselves, it is rare to sit down to another passenger and start talking about all of your interests and reasons for travel. Whereas travelling overland has a very different approach, travellers are more open and happy to chat with each other. Perhaps because there is less entertainment provided on overland transport compared to airline providing films, TV and games on the back of every chair, so travellers are forced to entertain themselves by talking to each other. On the road for long hours, travelling for country to country means that travellers can really get to know each other.

I hope you enjoyed this post. In 2019, I will make more of an effort to have guest bloggers on IKS. Since the blog’s launch, I’ve only done one guest post, which you can find here, but I definitely plan to do some more.

How do you feel about making friends abroad? Have you made any friends while on your travels? What would put you off making a friend abroad?

I love to hear from you all so let me know what you think of this post and make sure you like and subscribe!

Kel xo

Is Surgery Right or Wrong? You Decide

In this post, I’m exploring cosmetic surgery from a different perspective. In the past few weeks, surgery has become a point of discussion on many online platforms such as The Receipts Podcast and most recently on the online talk show, Heels Off. For many, cosmetic surgery is seen as ‘ the right to beauty’. In the mind of (most) women, if something isn’t as it ‘should be’, it needs to be fixed straight away…

One form of cosmetic surgery that’s gained a massive amount of attention and criticism are BBL’s (Brazilian Butt Lifts). For those of you who don’t know, a BBL involves shaping the buttocks with fat that is obtained by liposucting it from other parts of the body. If you’ve ever scrolled through your Instagram feed and wondered why your favourite influencer has a very large bum that isn’t in proportion with the rest of her body, then the chances are that she may have had a BBL. Did you also know that many medical professionals have issued warnings to women, due to the complications that can arise from having this procedure?

The dangers of cosmetic surgery are not discussed as much as the ‘highlights’ or reveals. When a woman decides to go under the knife, she is playing Russian Roulette with her existence. Once you’re on that table, that’s it. If anything goes wrong, your life could be at risk. As this is such a sensitive topic, I didn’t want to address it alone so I have teamed up with Shelley from By Busby for this debate…

Question: Is surgery wrong?

Kelle from Its Kelle’s Space says: YES

The pressure to look attractive all of the time is one of the hardest parts of being a woman. On top of the pressure we already feel, society and the media are constantly feeding us with images of women who appear to be pinnacles of perfection. The truth is that perfection doesn’t exist! You will never be happy if you are constantly chasing perfection. What has made women (young and old) hate their bodies so much that they are prepared to spend a fortune and risk their lives just to look good?!

Of course when you think about individuals who have been victims of terrible crimes, they are likely to need plastic surgery in order to correct or conceal the damage that was inflicted upon them. This is expected because their ordeal will undoubtedly change their lives forever and they deserve some normality. Now, let’s move on to the twenty five year old woman who one day wakes up and decides she wants to look like a Kardashian (or another famous person she admires) but she’s already quite attractive but has somehow got it into her head that she needs a thinner nose and plumper lips.

Would you encourage this woman to have surgery? Think about it…

Since the rise of social media, the demand for influencers has never been more present than it is now. There is a constant obsession with image and not just for women who want to alter their appearance. We’ve all subjected ourselves to that internal ten minute chat, questioning whether we should post a certain picture or video online. Society has played its part in conditioning many women (and even men) to believe that there is power in perfection! Little do we embrace the fact that people only show us what they want us to see on social media.

Also, as a woman of faith, who is spiritual, I choose self-improvement over potential self destruction. If I don’t like something about myself, I take action. If I don’t like the way my skin looks, I’ll get a facial or if I want to be more active, I will go to the gym. My biggest qualm regarding cosmetic surgery is that once you’ve had one procedure, the likelihood you will continue is very strong. The constant desire for change is like an element of dissatisfaction placing itself in a person’s mind, body and soul, which can potentially prove to be toxic.

As millennial women, we should be encouraging and promoting body positivity. We should advocate for the women who aren’t being told that they are beautiful as they are. Confidence issues are no stranger to the modern woman. Self-love is a stone throw away, while comparisons and idolisation turn up at our doors on any given opportunity. Why do we pride ourselves on emotions and feelings that steal our joy but turn our backs on the ones that can bring us peace? As well as having many psychological and emotional implications, surgery will not fix whatever emotions you may be experiencing within. It’s a brief vanity fix (or a partial solution if you will) induced with temporary pleasure.

No amount of surgery will ever change the way you feel about yourself. Unfortunately, many medical professionals take pride in making people feel inadequate. The surgery industry is worth billions, and doctors are taking advantage of this. Your body does not define you so instead of obsessing over how you look on the outside, focus on what’s happening on the inside.

Shelley from By Busby says: NO

As someone who’s had cosmetic surgery in the past for no reason other than wanting it for myself I can strongly say I am for cosmetic surgery, however, that doesn’t mean I condone cosmetic companies such as Mya or Transform advertising to young people in order to pressurise them into changing their appearance. Cosmetic surgery should be an option for anyone who feels comfortable enough to go under the knife.

In today’s society, we are constantly pressurised to strive for perfection. Men & women in the spotlight are always judged by what they look like before anything else and with what has been dubbed as the ‘Kardashian look’ being more prominent than ever, I can totally understand why we live in a world where the cosmetic surgery industry is booming. On the other hand we can’t just blame celebrity culture and school yard bullies for the rise of cosmetic surgery. People don’t just get surgery because they want to look like the next hit celebrity or to change something they have been told isn’t perfect.

Did I consider a boob enlargement because of what other people thought? No

Did I get a boob enlargement because of what I wanted? Yes

Maybe in the past I wasn’t totally happy with who I was or what I looked like but I was a teenage girl full of hormones & lacking in one department. But as I grew into a woman, I learnt to love myself and like the way I looked. If we are truly blaming cosmetic surgery on a strive to make ourselves feel better by changing our outside appearance, well I wouldn’t have had surgery. When I booked my surgery, I was totally happy with what I looked like and I know that sounds completely crazy even though I did embrace my itty bitties but I still wanted to go ahead with it. I love myself now just like I loved myself then. Now I just have to buy a bigger bra & I can wear a wider range of clothing options.

Not every person who opts to have surgery is on the path to self destruction. People might have one nose job to help them breathe better or just to remove that bump they don’t want. That’s not destructive in anyway. Yes, cosmetic surgery can be a slippery slope as shows such as Botched prove. To label cosmetic surgery as ‘self-destructive’ is a stretch as some people just want to change or improve a minor thing. Even a woman who strives to have ‘world record’ kind of boobs is entitled to feel that way. Surgeons shouldn’t fulfil such dreams (of course) but everyone has the power to make choices.

Body positivity doesn’t only cover loving who you are right now. It means promoting a healthy sense of self. Allowing women and men to make choices that suit them. Maybe some people aren’t right for surgery because they need to fix the issues inside but not everyone who has surgery has some dark inner turmoil. Nothing stops people who have had cosmetic surgery from promoting ‘body positivity’ too. I agree that no amount of surgery will the change the way you feel about yourself but if you have thought it through and you are able to make an informed decision, then there’s no reason to feel guilty. Do what makes you happy.

Ultimately, the choice to have cosmetic surgery is in the hands of the individual making the decision to alter their appearance. With the rise in surgery related deaths, the risks of cosmetic surgery have been highlighted by the media and many medical professionals. In spite of this, cosmetic surgery is becoming more popular for modern people. If you are thinking about going under the knife, think long and hard about the reasons why. The compulsion to change one’s body can be a sign of mental instability. Take some time and don’t rush into anything that you may later regret.

Are you thinking about having cosmetic surgery? Or perhaps you know someone who is or has ? What are your thoughts on surgery as a whole, are you for or against it and why?

As always, I love to hear from you all so let me know what you think of this post by leaving a comment. It has been a lengthy one, so thank you if you read it all. Plus, don’t forget to like and subscribe so you are first to know whenever there is a new post on the blog.

I’d like to say a huge thank you to Shelley from By Busby for teaming up with me for this debate post. Do give her blog a follow.

Kel xo

 

 

 

 

How To Practice Self-Love This Valentine’s Day

It’s official! In 2019, we are selfish! AND most importantly, we are not going to feel crappy about it! Self-love and self-care have become two of society’s most supreme sensations. Although this may seem strange (because we should be taking care of ourselves anyway), the agenda of ensuring we all take some ‘me’ time has never been more present. When January draws to an end, there’s an endless array of tweets or posts mentioning Valentine’s Day. There will always be one person that makes a big deal about not having anyone to go out with on Valentine’s Day. This always irks me in a way, because if you’ve been single for a year, what difference does one day make?

After all, Valentine’s Day is a day! Just one day out of 365. I’m not denying that Valentine’s Day can lead people to reminisce about long lost lovers and failed dates. We are all human and we do have moments where we think about the past, however, if you do find yourself single or date-less on Valentine’s Day then I have some news for you…it’s not the end of the world! In this post, I’m going to talk about how you can practice self-love this Valentine’s Day…

• Celebrate your achievements

In a world where everything moves at such a fast pace, it is challenging to be still and appreciate what life has blessed you with. Taking time to think about the good things in your life will instantly improve your mood. Instead of seeking validation from others, give yourself the recognition you truly deserve. When you’ve achieved something pretty amazing, don’t be afraid to celebrate with the people you love and care about. Something I’ve noticed as a millennial, is that once we’ve achieved something great, we tend to move on to the next immediately. Being still and practising gratitude is something we should all never cease to do.

• Take yourself out on a date

Taking yourself out on a date is one of the most underrated experiences there is. Some people embrace it while others ridicule it but there is something peaceful about enjoying your own company. Find a venue, get dressed up and go and enjoy yourself. If the concept of dining alone or going to an event alone is slightly daunting, then start small by going to restaurants for breakfast or on days off work. Just ease yourself into solo experiences. Don’t feel the need to conform to anyone else’s way of doing things. My idea of taking myself out is a night at the movies. I just love to switch off with some popcorn and become consumed with everything I see on the big screen. I also enjoy spa days (one is well overdue).

• Treat yourself

When it comes to treating yourself, everything in moderation is key. Remember, that a treat is meant to make you feel happy! If you had a long week at work and you went home on a Friday night and decided to eat a £1 Galaxy bar, that’s not something you should beat yourself up for. It’s not like you do it every day. Treats should never be associated with guilt, if anything they should ignite a sense of pride and happiness within you. As the new year approached, I decided to treat myself to some cake.

The lovely team at bakerdays sent me this beautiful cake with a very powerful message (which was something I touched on at the beginning of this post). What I liked about this cake in particular is that it was small enough to fit through my letterbox. The packaging oozed elegance and minimalism. As far as the taste is concerned, it was absolutely delicious. Texture wise, it is moist and not as filling as other cakes with icing on them tend to be. Another thing that impressed me was my idea being brought to life so beautifully. As well as being a fantastic treat, the letterbox cake would make a perfect gift. For more information about bakerdays, click here.

• Check in with your feelings

Single people will definitely be in their feelings as Valentine’s Day approaches. This is unavoidable, especially when you think about the fact that many couples will be flaunting their love and surprises for one another. If your desire is to be in a loving relationship one day, own it. The idea of a single man or woman wanting to be coupled up has become so stigmatised for some reason. Checking in with yourself and reminding yourself of what you want will allow you to remain positive and hopeful. From experience, what I’ve learned is that the more you deny love and relationships, the more likely you are to end up in one that doesn’t meet your expectations. On the other hand, if single life is perfect for you at this moment in time, make the most of it.

• Meditate – think positive

Meditation is one of the most valuable forms of self care there is. Taking a few moments to relax, de-stress and set intentions for the day, week etc is such a liberating experience. I have spoken about this in a previous post. I was forced into meditation because I left a very unhealthy relationship and battled with insomnia for months. Meditation was recommended by a therapist I was seeing. First, I started doing sleep meditations  and then moved on to others. My chakra is the third eye so I enjoy doing those meditations when I can. The reason why I advocate for meditation so much is because it reminds us to be kind to ourselves and also to send negativity packing. Affirmation based meditations are pretty powerful. One thing I would say is when it comes to meditating, don’t give up if one doesn’t work. Take the time to discover what works for you.

• Make plans

Nurturing the relationship you have with yourself is so important. In order to understand what makes you tick, you need to discover who you really are. It’s only then that you can begin to indulge in things that create passion and excitement in your life. For me, I love anticipation. I enjoy planning things months in advance and becoming filled with excitement as the day draws near. I don’t do thing sporadically at all. There’s a moving rota in my head (as crazy as this may sound). Showing love to yourself may involve booking tickets to a show you’ve always wanted to see or booking a holiday or a city break. Give yourself something to look forward to. Has anyone had one of those moments where you’ve thought to yourself ‘ I have really had enough today’ and then you remind yourself that you’ll be out of the country in less than 7 days? Priceless.

Again, this was quite a long post, so thank you for staying with me and I hope you enjoyed reading it.

What will you be doing for Valentine’s Day this year?

If you are single, how do you plan to practice self-love? I’d love to hear some of your own tips, so do leave a comment below.

Please note: Bakerdays sent me the cake to review on IKS. I am not affiliated with the brand and all views are my own.

Kel xo

Fig Leaves SS19 Press Day

Figleaves are one of the most talked about lingerie brands in the U.K. Their ethos is centred on believing in the transformative power of great lingerie and swimwear. Every piece combines premium quality, the perfect fit and practicality. Now, if you follow me on Twitter, you have probably seen some of my tweets about the best places to buy lingerie, as a larger chested girl, finding the right bra has always been somewhat of a challenge so Figleaves has always been a welcome addition to my list. As well as their own brand, they also sell fabulous lingerie from brands such as Curvy Kate, Gossard, Freya and Panache.

I had the opportunity to get a first look at their SS19 (Spring/Summer 19) collection. The press day was held at the chic Mortimer House in West London. On arrival, I was greeted by a member of the team and there were some very talented nail artists on hand. The collections were in a fairly large showroom and were separated by colour and theme.

The smoothing range is all about comfort. Think minimalist lingerie that is perfect for every day wear. Homage has been paid to elegant embroidery and some of the bras would be perfect for nailing the underwear-as-outerwear trend. The collection features a lot of black, nude and brown hues and sizes are available in A-E cups. All of the briefs i this range have no VPL which is always ideal. Also featuring in the range is a gorgeous, shape enhancing bodysuit, which is ideal for creating the illusion of a slimmer shape.

One thing I love about Figleaves is that there is something for everyone. Wedding season will soon be upon us so the brand are launching two new bridal edits. Bridal lingerie prides itself on comfort, style and definition so I’m sure the pieces will be instant hits.

Heading in a new direction, two new collections with clothing brand Joules and burlesque dancer Dita Von Teese were also announced. Joules are staying true to their aesthetic of bold and vibrant prints while the DVT collection just oozes unfiltered glamour, just like it’s namesake. A highlight was the colour story – there were a lot of bras in pastel shades. The Pantone colour of the year, coral, was also present. My personal favourites were the cornflower blues and there was a beautiful Freya bra that I definitely have my eye on.

As a large chested woman, it can be difficult to find the perfect bra, so here are some tips:

• Get fitted – go to a store and ask for a fitting. Don’t be discouraged if one shop isn’t able to cater to you, just stop looking.
• Have an idea of what you are looking for – whether it’s a plunge, everyday or full cup bra, this will provide you with a sense of focus as well as ensure you don’t overspend.
• Lingerie looks just as good on bigger chested women too – there’s this stigma attached to big boobs. Most women are under the impression that there aren’t any nice bras for them and this is a big lie. What you do need to realise is that you will need a lot more support then someone who is, let’s say, an A cup.
• Be prepared to spend ££ – If you want a bra that will stand the test of time, you need to be prepared to part ways with your money. Cheaper bras won’t give you the support you need. Also, every 6-9 months, you will need to buy another one, so it’s always best to buy 2-3 bras on a shopping trip and alternate between them all so you get more value for your money!
• Take advantage of sales – If money is an issue, wait for the sales. Fig Leaves have really good discounts. I also shop at Brastop and Debenhams.

 I hope these tips are helpful and if you have any comments or questions, please feel free to leave one below.

Also, do let me know if you would like to see more posts like this on the blog.

Kel xo

 

How To Spot An Emotionally Unavailable Partner

Imagine this.

You need a new outfit for an event you’re going to. You are in the fitting room, trying on things and you come across this one item that looks absolutely amazing BUT it’s too long, too short and it doesn’t exactly fit in the waist area. ‘ If only, it was…’ ‘ I don’t like…’. I think we have all found ourselves in this particular situation. It doesn’t matter what we say or do, something just isn’t quite right. That’s emotional unavailability  from an analogical perspective.

An emotionally unavailable partner will never bring you inner or spiritual peace. Emotional unavailability is a term that I was introduced to when I read Mr Unavailable and the Fallback Girl by Baggage Reclaim’s Natalie Lue. An emotionally unavailable person is someone who creates barriers between themselves and others in an effort to avoid emotional intimacy. Before I read this book, I always thought emotional unavailability was deliberate but anybody can display the traits of an emotionally unavailable individual. Some subconsciously, while others are fully aware of their actions and enjoy the destructive merry-go-round they put their partners on.

The good thing about detecting emotional unavailability in others is that there are always signs. You just need to be attentive enough to watch out for them. It is challenging, especially when you’ve met someone new, they seem absolutely amazing and you’ve already convinced yourself that you’ve caught a good egg.

Here are some signs that you have an emotionally unavailable partner:

They are in a relationship with someone else – If a man is in a relationship with someone else, he won’t have any time for you. The same goes for men who are separated or waiting for a divorce to come through. They are still emotionally unavailable. The barrier that’s stopping them from fully committing to you is their current circumstance. Don’t fool yourself – you will always come second. Also, avoid the guy who is still hung up on his ex. If he’s talking about her constantly (whether it’s positive or not) and it’s obvious that he hasn’t quite let go yet, run for the hills.

Their words, actions and character does a complete 360 – In the early stages of a relationship or dating, consistency is one of the things you need to look out for. If the guy you are dating is wishy-washy, this is a major red flag. If he blows hot and cold, do not go above and beyond to keep his interest. The chances are that he enjoys playing games with your heart and your mind. Some men aren’t aware but remember that it’s not your place to fix, heal or protect anybody. Acknowledge why there is an issue, be at peace with knowing that there’s nothing you could possibly do to change it and just walk away. This may sound cliched but the right guy will do the right things. Through their actions (not WORDS), you will feel a certain sense of security. Nobody wants to constantly have to tell someone how to treat them, so don’t be that woman.

They can’t deal with conflict – This has got to be one of the biggest dealbreakers and you know what? Half the time, we don’t even realise it’s happening. I had my first serious boyfriend (now ex) in 2012 and I remember how he used to hate arguing. Unaware, I thought it was the sweetest thing. I didn’t even think there was a possibility he could be emotionally distant. He dumped me in my home a week after I graduated in July of that year. I’m sharing this (old) experience because I want you all to understand how good conflict runners can be.

Avoiding conflict is dangerous because you just never know how the other person is feeling. If a guy tells you he hates arguing, be VERY concerned. These are the types of men who will put on a glorious facade, making you believe your relationship is perfect. He may even ask to meet your family or friends and then disappear soon after. Sounds terrible but these kinds of men do exist. Expressing ourselves is something we do every single day (whether it’s out loud or in our minds). It’s a human right. Arguments, debates, doubts. We all have them. We should ALL have them. Don’t settle for anyone who lacks such traits and most importantly, don’t let them back into your life!

They only want you for sex – Unless you have both agreed that’s what you’re doing, there is no reason why someone who genuinely wants to get to know you should be rushing you into bed. If it’s clear that’s all he wants and your desire is to have a meaningful relationship, just bid him farewell. Once a guy has programmed his mind to believe that you will ‘give it up’, there is no way he will transition from seeing you as some sort of sex toy to seeing you as a potential girlfriend or even wife. It’s nice to always see the good in people but once a guy has made his intentions clear, that’s it. You can’t change him and you can’t change his thought process. Some people have been able to make the move from a physical to a meaningful relationship but this is very rare and very difficult – probably twice as harder as other relationships.

They are throwing you crumbs – Again, this is another term I learned from Baggage Reclaim. You’ve met a great guy who calls you on a Monday and you don’t hear from him until Sunday. When he calls you on Sunday, he tells you some sweet nothings and then he goes cold turkey on you until the following Thursday. A crumb thrower will entice you with hints of their potential to be loving or whatever you desire them to be. I’m the biggest advocate for women NOT telling men what they look for in a partner. If a man knows exactly what you are looking for, he will use it to his advantage. It’s only a sauceless man who will have the chest to ask ‘wHaT iS It YoU’rE LoOkInG fOr In A PaRtNeR?’. If this question rears its deplorable head, start planning your exit. An authentic individual will NEVER ask you who they want you to be. That’s like starting a new job and asking your boss who they want you to be! It’s crazy. That question is a red flag and I wish more relationship writers would talk about it!

Their words and behaviour don’t match – One of the Four Agreements is ‘Be impeccable with your word’. This agreement has always stayed with me. If you say you are going to do something, do it! Having been brought up in a single parent home, I know all about failed promises, disappointments and the toll that they can take on a child and young adult. In a dating or relationship situation, always pay attention to your (potential) partner, they should be starter-finishers. Things as simple as promising to meet you at a certain time or making plans and cancelling them at the last minute. If these things happen consistently, have a conversation but if they continue to happen even once you’ve let them know how you feel, it’s time to think about walking away. Nothing irks me like a failed promise. I had made an agreement with a previous partner about something, and on the day, I delivered and he didn’t. This definitely made me weary, even though it wasn’t the reason the relationship ended.

Emotional unavailability isn’t tough to understand, although some signs are more obvious than others. We all show our best selves in the first stages of a relationship. This is why it’s eye opening to observe what you see and examine how you feel. Be attentive to the traits and characteristics the special person in your life possesses. Get involved with someone who reciprocates your actions. Learn to withdraw even if your passion is strong. What you truly want will find its way to you.

This post has been a lengthy one, however, I hope you enjoyed it. Do feel free to leave a comment or question below. It’s always great to hear from you all. Also, don’t forget to like and subscribe to my space.

See you on the next post.

Kel x

 

 

Helpful Tips For Collaborating With Brands As A Blogger

In this post, I’m going to be talking about blogger collaborations! Every blogger or influencer will collaborate with one at least once in their lives. I asked my Twitter followers if they wanted some tips about this subject and you said yes, so I made it happen. Remember, I don’t have all the answers. All I am going to do is share what I’ve learned in my 5+ years as a blogger…

Create a memorable pitch because when you apply for a job, you wouldn’t use the same CV or Cover Letter would you? Recruitment experts recommend tailoring both documents to show prospective employers that you are qualified enough to do the job being advertised. The same energy goes for securing collaborations as a blogger. For example, if you pitched a brand for a travel opportunity, it wouldn’t be wise to talk about a Revlon campaign you worked on.

Here are a few tips for creating a memorable pitch:

• Share article ideas, not names (Do not fall victim to this! However amazing the brand is)
• Don’t be afraid to let your personality shine through
• If there’s something about the brand that you admire, be sure to let them now. If not, then don’t force yourself to.
• Keep your pitch short and sweet. Try not to exceed one and a half paragraphs. Impressions are made within a matter of seconds and bear in mind that brands and agencies are most likely inundated with requests from influencers and other creatives.
• Hyperlinking (if you can) makes a pitch look so much neater
• Make sure you have updated your media kit (especially if your stats have changed dramatically or you have learned a new skill, for example: Photoshop)

Engagement is essential. Once you’ve written the post and you are happy with it, don’t be afraid to share it on social media. Use the post to start conversations with your followers or even share a few interesting facts. In my most recent post about PMS (which wasn’t sponsored), I mentioned in a tweet that alcohol can make PMS symptoms much worse. Quite a few of my followers weren’t aware of this so education is a great USP for any blogger or influencer. With the amount of time we all spend on social media, who wouldn’t want to learn something new in the process?

Understand what works for your blog. Its Kelle’s Space isn’t my first blog. My first blog was called Fashion, Love and Life and I ran it for just over three years. Understanding your niche is one of the best things you can do as a blogger. Live and breathe your stats. Which days is your blog read the most on? What was the most read blog post of the month? How many impressions did you receive when you started a conversation related to one of your posts? These are all questions you should be asking yourself. For me, snack reviews perform terribly on IKS, so I’ve stopped doing them. However, beauty reviews and relationship posts perform well on the blog. Last year, I took a bit of a risk and did a few restaurant reviews and it paid off. Once you know what your readers want, you are invincible. Try new things as far as your content is concerned but know when it’s time to accept that a certain direction may not be meant for you.

A media kit is the most important aspect of self-promotion. In a page, you can tell brands, agencies or anyone else what they need to know about you. It doesn’t matter whether you’ve just started out or you are full of experience in the blogging world, your media kit will be your best friend. As mentioned earlier, don’t forget to update it when key information changes, such as your stats. I used Canva to create mine and I haven’t looked back since. There are so many beautiful designs you can use to really stand out. My one media kit tip is: highlight your achievements and make sure you have a brief yet engaging bio!

Think about the kinds of brands you would like to work with – Every blogger has a goal. We all want to work towards something. Take a look at your blog and think about brands who would fit in perfectly with its purpose. One brand I would just love to collaborate with is The Spa Company. I’m always rambling on about self-care, so I think an intriguing spa review would be great for IKS.

Share content with collaborators before you publish it – Brands are inundated with blogger requests day in, day out so in order to keep that relationship strong (and fruitful), do send them a link of the content you have created before it goes live. On WordPress, bloggers have the option of making a post private and protecting it with a password. If you do this, you’ll be able to change the settings once you are ready to hit ‘publish’. Sharing before you publish shows the brand that you take your work seriously. Also, whoever is proofing your content will be able to make any necessary amendments. When it comes to SEO, keywords always must be spelt correctly.

Stay true to yourself – The creative industry is probably THE most competitive industry in the world. I am in shock at how many YouTuber’s, Bloggers, Photographers etc there are! I’m sure a new creative in each field pops up on a daily basis so there can be a great amount of pressure to fit in. Staying true to your brand is essential – don’t do things you wouldn’t usually do. Be consistent and value your audience. As mentioned in an earlier point, there are ways you can increase engagement and, scheduling tools exist for a reason! So, make sure you use them.

Compensation is something you should always have! If you are a creative, you should be paid. It doesn’t matter where you are in your journey. Look for a way to turn your hobby into a side hustle. Speak to people around you, follow industry pages/people, attend events etc. If you are serious about what you do, make it pay. As a blogger, I can only let a fee go if I am receiving products. This may sound crazy but think about it this way, most of us spend about 30-45 minutes writing a blog post a day. Your hard work should never be in vain.

I hope these tips have helped you all, especially if you are new to the blogging or influencing game.

If you have any questions or comments, then please don’t hesitate to leave them below.

Do like and subscribe.

Kel xo

How To Manage PMS And Feel Better Instantly

PMS is something that I’m sure every young woman would love to live without. Defined as the physical and emotional symptoms that occur in the one to two weeks before a woman’s period, PMS causes nothing but destruction. However, when managed well, PMS can be simple to control. In this post, I’m going to be sharing some tips on how to handle PMS like a boss with you all:

Regulate your breathing – PMS can really take its toll on the body and sometimes it’s arrival is unexpected. Whenever you feel yourself having a hot flush or just being overwhelmed, acknowledge your emotions and just breathe. Don’t worry about taking big, deep breaths because even little ones will do. Regulating your breathing will also help to slow your heart rate down which will ultimately stop hot flushes in their tracks.

Ventilation is necessary – When I have PMS, I open a window at least twice a day. Sometimes, rooms feel muggy the minute I walk into them. Can anyone relate? Also, try not to stay indoors all day. Take small breaks where you can go for a walk outside and get some air. It will make you feel 100 times better.

Use natural remedies – Personally, I choose not to have a heavy reliance on painkillers during PMS or my period but every woman’s experience is different so do what works for you. If I need to, I may take a paracetamol a day or two before my period arrives because that’s when I feel the symptoms the most. Something I do that works very well for me is drink chamomile tea in the evenings. Chamomile tea is great for relieving feelings of nausea. Also, I’ve heard about the benefits of maca so I’ve bought a maca latte which I’ll definitely be trying out at some point this month. Here is an article about the type of foods you should be eating in the run up to your period.

Say no to alcohol – Did you know that alcohol actually makes PMS a whole lot worse? So in the week or two before your period, try to embark on a little detox. If you must drink, maybe opt for a simple cocktail. Red wine has been said to alleviate cramps but there isn’t really any research to back up this claim so approach any alcohol with caution during PMS.

Track your cycle with an app – Here are some period tracking apps you can use. Period tracking apps are really useful because you are able to get a better understanding of your moods etc. Have you ever had one of those days where you are so emotional and you can’t figure out why and then within hours, you’ve started your period? We all have and apps will provide you with a sense of self control. I’m a big advocate for women in their 20’s monitoring their cycles month after month because if there is an issue such as irregularity in your periods, you’ll most likely need to be referred to a gyno.

Drink water – One symptom I experience more than most is that I feel very thirsty when I’m PMSing. I can drink 4-5 bottles of water a day because I feel like my body is telling me I don’t have enough water in me. Also, if you (like me) experience dizzy spells, hot flushes or any of that lovely stuff, cold water will help regulate your body temperature. In addition to this, water has so many other health benefits so just pay very close attention to your hydration levels.

Focus on your energy – PMS comes with so many changes and you probably won’t feel like yourself for a few days so eat foods that give you an extra energy boost such as oats, berries and oily fish. The list is endless. The symptoms won’t disappear entirely but you’ll feel a lot more happier. Comfort is such an important part of having a peaceful period. I went to Stylist Live late last year, and a lady was talking about periods and how they don’t actually need to be painful experiences so this definitely gave me some food for thought.

Honour your body – During PMS, you want to do your best to reduce your stress levels. Stress can make PMS such an uncomfortable experience so take it easy. Give yourself enough time to get ready when you pop out, exercise when you feel you are ready. There are little changes you can make to ease the whole experience. Something that is important to remember is that during the time of the month, a woman’s iron levels can take a huge hit. You won’t be as strong as you are during the rest of the month. Why do you think some countries in Europe give women leave when they are on their period? Although brief, it is quite a challenging occurrence in a woman’s life.

That’s all from me. I hope that these tips will help you as you embark on dealing with PMS like a boss. If you do have any questions or you’d like to leave a comment, please do so below. Do like and subscribe to Its Kelle’s Space.

Kel xo

5 Powerful Lessons Therapy Taught Me That I Couldn’t Have Taught Myself

The first time I walked into a counsellor’s office, I was just fifteen years old. As I approached my mid-teens, I found myself being in a constant state of unhappiness. I wasn’t sure of what to expect but I knew that I needed to deal with some of the issues in my life at that moment in time. Society is constantly telling us to deal with issues on our own. Remember the time when people who went to therapy were seen as mad? Thank the Lord that it isn’t as stigmatised as it used to be.

I spent most of my 20’s trying to run away from my problems. I wasn’t able to really think for myself. Hundreds (if not thousands) of thoughts were running through my mind per minute and when I discovered my anxiety and depression had return for the second time in just two years, I knew I couldn’t manage on my own.

The reason why I’m telling my story is because I believe that I wasn’t alone in my feelings. I am sure that a lot of you can relate to experiencing terrible moods. Thankfully, therapy was beneficial as I embarked on the road to recovery. There were so many lessons that I was able to take away and I am going to share five of them all with you now:

I was able to open up about things I couldn’t share with anyone else

If you decide to go to therapy, you’ve got to prepare yourself for discomfort. I remember one of my first experiences vividly. I was trying so hard to be strong and I convinced myself that I would leave my session with my mascara in tact. Once you have gotten over your discomfort, you should be able to build a rapport with your therapist. Remember that their goal is to help you become the best person you can be. Sharing intimate details of your life with anybody takes an enormous amount of coverage so don’t feel like you have to put yourself out there all at once.

I was able to identify behavioural patterns 

Honesty is the best form of self care. Self care isn’t just about going to get your nails done once in a while. You’ve got to check in with yourself on the inside too. In order to identify any patterns in your behaviour or any toxic behaviours, you have to take in what you may be told. Naturally, when someone tells you something that you don’t agree with, defending yourself is probably your first thought. Before you strike, think about the scenario or story in question. Think about what the experience(s) taught you and whether you’d do anything differently. Evaluating behavioural choices is a good form of self-reflection.

I was able to get to know myself better 

Have you ever sat down and asked yourself ‘Who am I?’ or ‘What’s my purpose?’.            We have all experienced a rut or two at some point in our lives. Therapy helps you to get a better understanding of your strengths and weaknesses. One of my biggest weaknesses is not celebrating achievements as much as I should. After seeing a therapist, I was able to appreciate my good qualities as well as what makes me authentic. A totally different mindset came upon me and I felt much more relaxed as each session went by.

I was able to understand the difference between prevention and choice 

Emotions are usually at an all time high before someone decides to see a therapist. I remember going through my difficult period towards the end of last year and there were moments when I’d be uncontrollably sad. I felt like my soul had been crippled by shame every time I talked to my therapist about what had happened. She told me I had nothing to be ashamed about and she explained that there are some things in life that are just beyond your control. There’s a difference between prevention and choice. Understanding this will make your life so much easier.

I was able to understand other people too 

The end of my previous relationship was difficult to deal with. Although the end had been looming for a while, making the decision to end the relationship was still hard. It’s amazing how an experience with one person can make you determine to understand other people too. It took me years to realise that I have a tendency to fix, heal and change people. The idea that I was always doing way too much than I should became a reality. Ultimately, I came to the understanding that all relationships are beautiful and they should be mutually fulfilling.

I think the most important thing to remember is that therapy is a form of self development. I can only speak for my own experiences but if you are suffering from some kind of trauma or personal difficulty, you may want to consider speaking to a therapist. We all need an outlet. Every step you take towards being a better you is always worth it in the end.

This is a very sensitive topic so I understand if you are reluctant to share your own therapy experiences but if you would like to, then do leave a comment.

If you are considering therapy and you’d like to ask a question, feel free to leave a comment.

Kel xo